Sad Sunny Summer

I cannot believe that today I still have in my mind what happened to me long time ago; although, I really want to forget it because it so harmful for me. I am here, dying in suffering because of this aspect of my life that I haven’t forgotten. In the middle of this emptiness, there is nothing but my love for that girl. I have lost my senses because of her; when I look at the world, I just find her face; when I hear a sound, even in my solitude, it seems to be her voice calling me; the taste of her lips is the greatest experience I have ever had; I find her smell everywhere: in the water, in the air, in the earth and in the fire; I cannot touch a girl because I always remember the first time I touched her beautiful face. I would like to be stronger and stop thinking of her, but it is impossible to me because my love for her is as huge as the universe. She is everything for me, she is my love, she is my world and in other words, she is my universe.

When I think about the best day of my life, I always remind the day I met her. It was in summer. She was playing ball with a friend of her, when a friend of mine decided to talk to them. I was interested in talking to her because I had already seen her in the morning and I was longing to talk to her. I was so nervous when my friend called me and said “hey pal, do you want to come and play with us? I didn’t say a word but I went where they were and I said “what do you want to play?” and her friend said “anything”. we played and played until our tongues were out of our mouths and asking for water but it didn’t matter to me because the only thing I wanted to do was to have a word with her. I imagine that she was as nervous as I was; she was so quiet but I waited for the right moment to talk to her: I waited until she was alone and in a very silly way I asked her “are you tired?” obviously she was tired and I asked that stupid question but anyway her answer was “yes. This town is so hot” I said “why don’t we sit down”, she nodded and we sat down for a while. Then I asked her name, a name that turns my legs jelly when I hear it. We were both 15 and we started talking about school. We talked and talked for so long, that I continue feeling that I am talking to her. We discussed about food, hobbies, our families and the things we liked. I was so happy that I didn’t realize what the time was! It was so late; she had to go to sleep but I didn’t want to go home. That was the first day.

Next day, I was so desperate because I didn’t want to be alone anymore; I thought that I had found my soul mate. I had to wait until 6 pm because she wasn’t at home; she went swimming. I felt so envy because I wasn’t with her but I immediately forgot that feeling when I saw her. Her tanned skin was so amazing, but there are two special things that I really love, physically speaking. They are: her hair and her eyes. Her curly black hair still drives me crazy and her black eyes are to me like a door to the unknown; once you get in, you don’t want to go out. This girl impacted my heart with a mortal shot: a shot of beauty, personality and love. I liked her appearance but I loved her personality. She was so confident and secure that I could feel secure when I was with her.

We met at night and we started talking again but this time we talked about what had happened in the day and we conclude that we were thinking about each other. I decided to confess what I felt for her but she didn’t have time to say anything because it was one of those occasions where time flies and you don’t do what you want to do; her grandma called her and she had to go home. After that, when I arrived home, I shut myself in my bedroom and I started writing a letter to her because I spent my time thinking about her and that sunny day and I didn’t want that summer to end. Unfortunately, that summer finished before I could open my eyes. It was so fast that it flew at the speed of light.

I woke up very early the following day and I sent her the letter I had written the night before. I sent it with my brother but when he came back, he said “did you know that she is leaving today?” and I said “where” “To Bogotá” my brother answered. It was like a rude awakening for me because I was living a dream but it had become a nightmare. I ran as fast as I could where she was but in that very moment my grandma called me and asked me to do her a favor and in my mind I said “can’t you wait? I am about to do something very important! But I couldn’t answer that to her, so I decided to go where she wanted me to go and I came back as soon as my body could resist but when I arrived it was so late: she had already left. My heart was broken into pieces and there was nothing I could do. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t do it because I was so confused; I thought that finally I had found the perfect girl for me but it was just an illusion. I felt I had lost something but it was something that I never had. I was defeated in a war that wasn’t mine but sometimes we have to take risks, don’t we? Although they take you down and only bring you misery.

I still think of her. I don’t blame her because I was too blind to see the truth. I was living a dream and a nightmare at the same time and it was extremely shocking for me; for that reason, I can forget neither the situation nor her. I am dying here and no one can save me now. As a consequence I always spend my endless nights looking out the window because I know that she is out there, somewhere; I haven’t given up my hope.

By: Jhon Anderson Quiroga Gomez